Goodbye 2014 and Thanks

snippets from 2014 :)

So here I am with multiple chrome windows consisting of cases and stuff that I'm researching on, words documents, pdfs, itunes-to keep me awake and concentrate-open, in bed, with my laptop that probably has not been shut down for almost a month now. Realizing that I'm on the edge of 2014, I realize that this year has been such an adventure. 

I can't help but to feel like all of them are just blurring memories due to the fact that the year literally runs with the speed of light. So much things happen. I remember from day 1 of the year, I had to prepare my high school batch's event from our juniors, to the very last day, which is now, where I've got some research to do.

But right now, I can't help but to feel grateful to be able to experience things that came into my way. People that I met, people that I got to know, people that I got to work with. Things that I feel, elation, hearing the news that I got accepted into this whole big body of organization and this small but closely knitted family of moot competition that I join, pissed, nervous, anxious, and feeling not sure of myself and questioning of whether I am actually deserve this all or I just simply stranded here, lost, feeling like trash, stupid, dumb, betrayed, frustrated, demotivated........I basically feel like I am finally living and actually experiencing things. And for that, I am grateful. 

Which makes me remember that I got a lot of firsts this year! But nope, still no boyfriend unfortunately lol but I don't think that I am that desperate to get myself one though. I still have my friends and family anyway, in which I can always drag anytime I want to go somewhere. (some of my firsts are actually called cute by a guy, having an online friend, a guy that i took picture with in an event turns out not wanting to let go of my arm-although it was just a joke but still!--watching movies with another guy..... well see! progress!)

Contemplating these things makes me happy somehow-it actually feels like I'm not really wasting my  time. I am actually learning (yes learning, not studying), facing out my  fears of getting into big waterslides and ended up craving for it until now, trying new things, finding out that pleading, as hard as it is, is actually quite fun, and go out meeting and making new friends along the way. I also realize that things do not go as I wanted to do but oh well- it's just the way it is and sometimes you just have to roll with it.  My resolution? Well I think I got my  lifetime resolution got checked this year so I think that's real good for me lol I don't really made resolution anyway beside being happy and giving my  best shot in anything and working out more-which I did! 

Anyway. Really. I am really grateful for being able to experience and feel those things in 2014. I know that 2015 will be a challenging year, but I'm really looking forward to it. 

I dont even know that this is possible, but had a dream of you last night. Of us. The two of us, together. And home. And how happy we are

And as i woke up, i still couldn't believe of how real it feels. And how happy i was, tangled with you by my side. Hugging you, as awkward as it was, but still happy nonetheless. 

And as i laid awake, i was also aware that we just can't be. That this was just a dream. That i didnt see your face. Expression. Gaze. Of whether your eyes would shine from happiness of being with me. Whether you'd smile as wide as me. Whether you'd be as happy. 

Longing. So that's how it actually feels like

Awww :3

Toothless Figure!

I just got this today. Very cute. Absolutely adorable. I mean, look at those eyes! Look at it!

Anyway I am so grateful, speechless and shaken-to the point where I can't meh and pft anymore-because whoa you're actually doing this. I mean, who would've thought that someone would spend some amount of money and go to such trouble in filling the address form(since my address is THAT complicated) for someone you hardly knew-at least physically, since we haven't even met. So thank you. Infinite thank you. 

Looking at my old posts, well it seems to me that you change a lot of my beliefs and all. and I'm not sure where this ride is taking me. It's kind of twisted, I trust you while I'm not giving myself completely. and that scares me.

Sweet Distraction

Hello guys, it's me again

Anyway, finals were already over for a week, and that means, the summer holiday has come. Major yay.
During finals, which stretch up into 3 weeks, luckily, filled with national holidays every several days,  which gave us moments to be able to breath-after stayed up on the previous night until like, 3 a.m in  the morning.

Seriously, on finals, i fell asleep to the sound of chuckling chicken, which is the sign that the sun has started to rise. While i'd have to get up in like, the next 3 hours for the exam.

Anyway, this posts is not about me ranting about how my life was during the finals, but, what I had done to postpone studying. Anyway, here they are
Things that I had done to keep myself out of studying.

1. Check my cellphone every several minutes(still normal)
2. Chatting to my friends and scrolling on 9gag, twitter, etc(normal)
3. Doodling(pretty much normal, depending on what I doodle)
4. Looking at the table, and see if it's tidy enough. If it isn't, I'd tidy it first(acceptable?)
5. Scribbling some random words, quotes, or sentences(okay)
6. Solving random mathematical problems(I'm studying Law, what was I doing?)
7. After all things mentioned in point 1-6 are done, when still don't want to study, or still "distracted", look for any dirty clothing. If there is any(there is always any), wash it.(dafuq are you doing.....)

What? Is washing my dirty clothing a bad escapade from studying? pft.

Rainy thoughts

"Because, darling, there is simply nothing more painful than rejection and abandonment." 

"Maybe this is what I can do best, you know, brushing people away from me"

"It's possible that people is being nice to other people--not because they're actually nice--but because they know how it actually feels to be treated badly" 

Recognition

Are we all..starving for recognition of some sorts?

To be known for your traits

To be known for what you've done

To be known by someone dear

To be known for your ablilities

To be known for your work

To be known for your achievements

All lies on the inner layer, concealed by selflessness since no one can deny the simplest pleasure of knowing that someone-if not people, recognize you. That it feels good to feel proud and to make someone else proud because of it, no matter how small it is. 

Because everyone is fascinated in everything, and somehow, we want to make at least one person, to be fascinated by something within us--or us to be recognized at.