The Ballad of being a Freshman

Hello

I always finds new things interesting. New faces, hesitation, hellos and what-is-your-names, the feeling of guessing which-one-is-that-name-? getting lost in new buildings, and looking at, ah, "interesting" seniors, and not to mention, the weird feeling of not knowing what to say to a person.

It is thrilling, to be a part of the minority. But alas, being me, I crawled my way to the crowd. New faces, new perspective, new person altogether. All this are overwhelming. I'm like a thin sponge, desperately trying to absorb as much water as I can.

But accompanied by experiencing all those glitz and glams, I can't help but to feel like a dust.

Being a person who experience difficulties with adapting in new places, to be new in every environment is a little bit scary. Exchanging names and new faces, new peer groups formed God knows when since we've been here just for about two months and I am still amaze with the way that I can withstand all this. It's not that I'm that bad in adapting into new places but I don't like to feel that silence awkwardness since I am not that good in socializing, as I am not exactly an extrovert who always know the right thing to be said every single time. I always feel that it isn't exactly pretty when you're sitting with someone that you supposedly know, and another people talks like they've known forever, yet when I'm sitting with them there was a sheer awkwardness.

Else? Of course I already have close friends--I'm not as bad as you think that I would be! But still no boyfriends--as always. Speaking of boyfriends, how exactly people find themselves boyfriends--or girlfriends? How can people get a new ones so fast? Does it like, you meet someone, then what? bombarding them with questions? How do people exactly flirt with other people?  

Anyway, there are no reason for me to be cynical toward this new life. Well anyone wouldn't complain getting home at 2 p.m top when you can sleep until 7 a.m. I didn't even remember how I survived high school's hectic schedule with piles and piles of tasks. I remember going to school at 6.30 a.m then arrived at home at 8 p.m, plus homeworks and such.

Speaking of high school life, everytime I see people wearing those white and grey-a.k.a high school uniform, I still feel like I am still in highschool. Like my very soul are left there. Being here is still a dream, in which I am afraid to be awaken.  

For those who are wondering how I am right now and the reason why I suddenly begin writing in my blog, which is probably already full of spiderwebs and dusts, I am fine, I am happy, and I am alright. Mid tests are over, which means my coffee-budget are no longer needed. But I am also fed up. These past weeks had been crazy. Mid tests had been crazy. Tasks had been crazy. Papers are hundreds of times crazier. And the weird thing is, I had become too accustomed in writing more than 10 paged papers from scratch, no wikipedia, just me, my brain, my finger, and my laptop. And several literature as references,which was really hard for me then. Now, I, too still have a group paper that needs to be done. This has been a really good escapade, by the way. Well I guess I am pretty good at this, escaping. 

Day 24--A Problem You have Had

The title is making me feels like an old fish. Which is not exactly true when you just turned 18 a couple of months ago. Well, true if you just visited your elementary school in the last 2 months. Oh well.

If this post talks about a major life-changing problems, well, I don't have one yet. My life are like a sudden breeze of soft winds that had gone unnoticed, since I partly not fully conscious that something is a problem. Mainly because I just enjoy the whole ride. 

And unexpectedly, I have one. This happens when I was on middle school. We were on some class (which I don't intend to tell you). The seat was arranged into groups, in which usually contains 5 or 6 members in each. We were given a topic, then we had to present the issue in front of the class. The thing is, the whole class forgot that we had a homework in the next hour's lesson. And nobody did it until later. Anyway, my group did not encounter a problem and we presented the cause smoothly. Until we finished. The class started doing the homework within the present of the teacher of the present lesson, with another group presented an issue. And everything still ran smoothly, until my friend accidentally put the homework book upright. Well, we still didn't realize what the problem was until my group was called into the teacher's desk. Our hearts were thumping wildly, and the strong odor of fear was  present. We were called to the teacher's room, which was always translated major trouble. 

"Did you do Mrs. ... 's homework on my lesson?"

"Why did you do that? You are aware that this action means that you don't respect me, don't you?"

"You surprise me. You are the last person I expect to do this" 

"Just talk to her. I don't know what I should do with you"

"I feel like I should give you punishment, since what you did is not okay in any lesson, and I know that you're fully aware of that, and what do you think we should do to you so you would not do such thing again?"

"Memorize ..... and see me when you're fully memorize it. The deadline's in a week"

Fortunately, the punishment was just to memorize a surah from Qur'an, not calling our parents to school. 

I know that this is not like a major trouble, but being me,  never have gone into trouble before, that was scary. Anyway, lesson learned and I've never done that again, thanks to that event.

Day 19-- A Letter to Someone You Want to Tell Everything About But been Too Afraid To.

Hi

I know that a white lies is worse that a bitter truth. But what if the truth are so painful? Like a kid, who got a bad score when their parents have been expecting so much of him? The thing is, we keep some things to ourselves we don't want others to know about. Like cheating in an exam. I'm sure the parents never know whether their child filling up the answer sheet with honesty or not. Parent just want to know the result. The process they see is just the night before. They don't even know if their child study their asses off or just playing and opening some random topics.

So I sincerely want to tell you he truth, but I am afraid. I am afraid of the stereotype of who I might be on the society. I am afraid of what people might say. I am afraid what you might think of me. It's not that I don't trust you, God. But the thing is, I've never tell anyone about it. I've never speak about it, I've never even think about it with anyone. So, I'll let you to know that If I ever decided to tell someone, I would tell you first.








Not sure how to feel,





I

Weird

I edited my last 18 posts in the label 30dayschallenge, and I just literally changed the alignment of all my posts. Suddenly, out of nowhere, my day 2 and day 3 posts are the suddenly the latests, making the impression that I wrote the posts unsystematically. Which was annoying.


Anyway, Sorry for the inconvenience.




Just being a perfectionists,






I

Accusations and more Accusations

First of all, i want to give my deepest condolences to the victims of Boston bombings. I mean, to whoever had done this, that was a cowardly, despicable action you did there you know.

We are all Earthlings after all so i think we are all kind of.. Brothers and sisters, don't you think? So killing each other is the same as murdering our own family member, am I right?

Second, as a moslem, I'd gotta say that I'm shaken. Why? Because of all these accusations. No, I'm not a Directioners but I'm aware of these accusations. Well, I know the oh-so-famous Zayn Malik was accused too just because he got an Arabic blood. I don't even know he is a moslem or not. I mean, just because he tweeted alhamdulillahs and bismillahirahmanirrahim doesn't mean that he's a moslem, right? Everyone can do that.

Back to the topic, why moslems are always the one to blame just because some fanatics drop bombs in American territory in the holy name of jihad? I even doubt whether those freaks even know what truly jihad means. Don't they even read the ayah that said to not to attack before the enemy attack first? And what did those people said? American brainwashed them? America didn't attacked them physically. Why don't they held on tighter to their faith? They attacked mentally, so we should put more strength to our mental state and faith so the so-called bad influences don't bring any harm to us, right?

I mean, what makes me upset is, I just read a few seconds ago an article about the bombings and it is mentioned that one of the victims are an arabic student. I mean he is injured, and of course i'm sure that he's mentally shaken. But why of all hundreds of victim that is put in the same hospital as he is, he is the one who is being accused? I mean, just because he's arabic for god's sake. Can you imagine how would you feel if you're accused just because you're caucasian and your dorm are being searched by the intels and just the second you're out of the hospital, you're deported to your country, just because you're being caucasian?! Come on people!

Here, I am not a sensitive moslem freaks who always angry about the smallest things. But I think that has come too far, to the point where people starts comparing one bombing to another. I mean, why comparing such a bad thing? People hurt and scarred on the same scale that can't be compared because the amount of sadness they felt are the same. Well, I think people don't say "I think i prefer to lost 2 of my grandparents rather 2 of my siblings" right?

But I understand your accusation. Not many people know islam except the moslems. And the fact is moslem did the bombings. But why judge? I understand that moslem countries are not so well-developed as non moslem countries and I know that people wearing hijab on their faces are judged by losing their freedom of expression. But do you know that avicenna, the father of medical science are moslem? Do you know that piano was first found by a moslem lad, and named al-qanun? Do you know why moslems are being told to wear hijab?

I know that many people are hurt by a foolish despicable act commited by those fools but why judge us? I mean, don't judge us on things that you don't even know. I mean, I am a moslem and I hate wars and bombs and I love living in peace. I love pop culture. I appreciate art, since I like making my own art. I listen to pop music and I love fashion. I love books and I can honestly say I am a movie addict(I even held my tears while I watch Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close). I watched Grammys and Oscars and even Keeping Up with the Kardashians. My mother even subscribes Hello! Magz on her Zinio account. I still want to go to America, Europe, Middle East, basically everywhere. I want to see the twin tower magestically stand on NYC. I want to celebrate New Year's eve on Times Square and I want to watch live concert(any concert in general, Pink Floyd especially). I love Lady Gaga's songs despite the rumours had said(one can't deny she's a very good actress!).

So, why judge? just because foolish acts by some people, why all of us are the one to blame? Well if anything, would you still judge us if 9/11 weren't happened?