I used to be proud of myself. Of my armor. Of my logic. Claiming that I actually use my brain to actually feel. That I certainly would not dive first, unlike other people, where you will most likely be left hurt and scarred. That I would not give myself that easily to anyone out there. That I have successfully made a fortress that would not easily be cracked. That I would be careful.
But life smacks me right down on my face. It challenges me with my ultimate weakness, the feeling of comfort. And boy, did I dive right in without processing any of this.
I don't know if that's your forte, making people comfortable with you. Or that we're just compatible with each other(which I actually like to think, sometimes). Or the time you said that there's something in me that comforts you, where even in the moments of silence, you've never felt like you're supposed to say something, but rather comforted by those silence. Or maybe the fact that we have a huge common interests-- to the point where we have the same type of trash-conversation.
You displayed your stories on the plate right away. Your life. Your problem. Your episodes. Your past and experiences. So I told you mine. Not very eventful, I guess compared to yours. But you seem very interested, so I kept on going, giving you tidbits of my stories, while subconsciously destroying my own fortress bricks by bricks.
Then you hold my hand. I'd be lying if I say that it did not give any butterflies, or made me think whether or not you feel my heart beating loud and hard against your arm. Then you made me drunk with your hugs and kisses, that is oddly comforting. Suddenly I found myself craving for your hugs. And snuggles. And hands. Add the fact that you said that you like me a lot. I know that it can be a potential bullshit, but it did not even came to my mind at the time you said it. And that's the time that I realize that I've trusted you enough to let you in over the shield, fortress and everything that I've tried so hard to built.
But somehow you did. I'm not sure how this would end, but thank you. For making me feel the most beautiful, complicated, and even possibly destructive feeling known to mankind.
